Closet Sci-Fi Geek

Children of Men

From the likes of some reviews, Children of Men is the second coming of Blade Runner. Well, first off, I was never blown away by Blade Runner…and this is no Blade Runner.

This is a poorly written film dressed up to look like something special. If you’re into cinematography, brutal realistic warzones, and camera shots that include fake blood spattered on the lens, then you’ll find this to your liking. And while I did feel that the execution was mostly well-done, the premise and plot itself left a lot to be desired.

It’s Britain in the year 2027 and women have not been able to bear children for 18 years. The end result is a world of totalitarianism, violence, xenophobia, and anarchy. Our reluctant hero, Theo, has a job to do: Deliver the first pregnant woman in 18 years safely into the hands of some sort of secretive Human Something-or-Other Project, which is working on developing a cure to the infertility problem.

Now, if you can accept that basic premise, then you’ll be fine. Don’t think about it too much, because if you do, you’ll ruin it for yourself.

Among other things, you may wonder:

1. Why, with the population aging so much, is everyone running around being a violent asshole? If people are aging, don’t you think they’d be slowing down and a little calmer by now? Probably. And isn’t it possible, with such a world crisis going on, that people might be more inclined to stop fighting and killing each other and band together to come up with a solution?

2. Why on earth don’t they go public with the pregnancy? There’s a lame explanation near the beginning of the film that truly makes no sense and involves the British government being opposed to having the first pregnant woman being an illegal immigrant. Excuse me? The world has no babies, and they’ll kill her off because she’s illegal? C’mon. That’s just totally off the wall.

3. What is this mysterious project that purports to be saving the world, and why is it able to drive a large boat into British waters without being seen or stopped, even though massive, armed airjets are shooting through the sky? And who is behind it? How can they be trusted? It’s never made clear.

Here’s the thing: The more “realistic” you try to make a sci-fi film, the better your plot and writing should be. Children of Men fails on both counts. With its patently absurd premise, Children of Men mocks the seriousness with which it was filmed.

All in all, this is one piece of pretentious overblown crap that is only saved by the amazing camera work. If you are looking for a recent dystopian future flick, try Equilibrium instead.

And the Big Lost Clue Is…

While I understand my frustrated readers who have given up on Lost, I haven’t quite thrown in the towel yet. I feel like it’s gotten a bit better recently. And we are finally getting some BIG CLUES.

SPOILER ALERT!!!

Here is the biggest one so far: The guy that Locke killed is now alive again.

And we find out, from the parachute lady, that they found flight 815 and everyone on it was dead.

Which perhaps suggests that the island has cell regenerating powers, and this explains why Locke can walk again. Because the guy walking around thinking he is Locke really isn’t Locke but a clone of Locke.

Or something like that.

It occurs to me that a good friend of mine has a boyfriend who is a boom operator on Lost, and perhaps I could ask her to find out the scoop for me, if he even knows. But that would be cheating.

Lazy SciFi Saturday: The Shining, House on Haunted Hill, The Plague

Just a lazy Saturday…overcast in Los Angeles…so I ended up watching three horror flicks on the SciFi Channel. Unfortunately, they got progressively worse as the day wore on.

The Shining
Geez, I just found out that there was a mini-series remake of The Shining made in 1997. Never saw it. Not sure if I want to. The original film still is one of the best horror flicks of all time. Why? Two words: Jack Nicholson! Who can forget his crazy-ass performance, his leering face, his utter glee in his insanity!

The film came out in 1980 and was a defining movie for my generation. Kids in school used to move their fingers up and down croaking “REDRUM! REDRUM!”

Even bug-eyed Shelley Duvall is perfectly cast here, running around limp-wristed with her big giant knife, as if that is going to save her.

House on Haunted Hill (1999)
This is a remake of a film that originally starred Vincent Price. It even has a Vincent Price wannabe, complete with skinny moustache. It also stars a younger, baby-faced version of that chick who plays Nikki in Heroes.

I had actually seen this some time ago and enjoyed it. It’s got some gruesome bits, some creepy bits, and a few twists for good measure. The special effects are pretty lame by today’s standards (the “darkness,” as they call it, was a soupy sea of bad CGI), but it did have some genuinely scary moments.

A remake is coming out, Return to House on Haunted Hill. It will be direct to DVD and reprise the role of the evil Dr. Vannacutt. Fun stuff for a lazy Saturday afternoon, for sure.

Clive Barker’s The Plague
Well, we started Saturday off with one of the best horror films ever, and end the trilogy with one of the worst. The Plague is beyond rotten, worse than the worst made-for-TV movie ever made.

This is your basic zombie movie (though they are killing zombies, not eating zombies). One day, almost all the children in the world fall into a comatose state. When they wake up 10 years later, they are mute, crazy, killing machines.

There is no explanation for the source of this plague. There seems to be some supernatural stuff hinted at but never fully defined. Worse, most of the movie is filmed in bright daylight, without any sort of atmosphere whatsoever. It’s not scary or even funny.

Fortunately, I had some cleaning to do while I was watching it. If this comes on TV again, best skip it.

Next…Stephen King’s The Stand!

What Happens When Time Stops?

Just a question to throw out there:

In the Twilight Zone episode where the guy has the stopwatch that stops time, what ultimately happens when his stopwatch breaks?

Has he now stopped time forever, leaving all people in the world in a state of suspension?

Will time start again when he himself dies?

Will he even die at all? Are his bodily functions and needs put on hold now that time has stopped?

If he does need food and water, will he still be able to eat and drink whatever is frozen in time?

Or, is there a failsafe device on the stopwatch, meaning that, while he is forever frozen in that one spot of time, after a certain period, the rest of the world will start up again, and he will just “disappear”?

Of course, this is only a TV show…